ABC Cancels All My Children and Replaces it with... Well Something Way Worse.

  



   Daytime television is in a state of restructuring. With the economy (still) in the toilet, original programing has been pushed off the air to make way for the much cheaper to produce reality t.v. With two more soap operas being canceled at the end of the season, you may be asking yourselves? Who's next? It can be argued that reality television is no more based in reality than an episode of Days of Our Lives. Heck, Marlena Evans went through being possessed and kidnapped and still managed to play a more believable character than "real-life-person" Audrina Patridge. Be that as it may, reality programming has taken over daytime and those networks not ready to prepare for it will be left out in the cold. We had the dumb great idea to re purpose some of today's most popular daytime programming to fit the more "reality-based" aesthetic. We present you with the first in the series:

Bravo Channel's Real HousePuppets of Sesame Street

Operation BBQ

   It's finally here!!!!!!!!!!! Memorial Day weekend could not have come at a better time this year. We have had a rough year what with the recession bounce back that isn't really as helpful as we hoped for and the death of Gil Scott-Heron. It's time for us to kick back, have a day off, take a trip to the beach and enjoy some of the things that make living an average middle class life in America so sweet. I thought it only right that I do my part this weekend by attending a friend of a relatives BBQ that I had been invited to. I only met this woman one time before but I guess I made a good first impression so I excitedly submitted my RSVP via text message.

   Now let's get something 100 here... I don't just attend bbq's, cookouts, grilling (or whatever your regional dialect term is for cooking your food outside with fire) for funsies. I think of it more like a sport. A serious hobby of mine. When first invited to a BBQ I make calculated plans days before even attending. I make sure to stick to light meals for the days leading up to the event, ensuring as empty of a belly as I can get when I finally get there. I had high aspirations for this BBQ. I was envisioning hamburgers and hot dogs and bbq chicken stacked high as the eye can see in foil platter trays. I see bratwurst, I know they've got to have bratwurst. This morning I made sure to eat a light breakfast.  I recommend a plain yogurt with some granola or three blueberries and a glass of water. I put on the cutest dress I own, It's lady lavender. with off-white lace gloves. I looked like I was going to my first confirmation. I figured they'd never expect someone dressed so lady-like to do what I decided to do to them today.

This is the outfit Dita wore when she became Pennsylvania State Champion in the Famous Dave's rib-
eating contest in Scranton.

  

Summer, summer, summer time!

   I have many morning rituals that help me get out there into the world and conquer my day like the courageous Leo that I am. One of which is shclepping my gym clothes and leg weights with me on my commute so that I can go for a run before going to the gym. I run around one of our local rivers here on the East Coast (I won't say which River exactly, so that I am not stalked and thrown into said river by an insane lurker with a chip on their shoulder) Today's run was a particularly grueling one because the temp has jumped up significantly since last week. It's so hot I broke a sweat running around my car to get something out of the passenger side pocket. With the almost start of summer and the much anticipated start of the Memorial Day weekend, I realize that we all have rituals and traditions that help keep a sense of order and sanity in our lives. Order and control over our own destiny (or even just perceived control) is one of the things that keeps us going. It is essential to animal survival from man all the way down to the rats that try on our make-up for us. It's true, they've done studies. Look it up yourselves, what-do I have to do everything for you? ;) Some rituals, such as running/exercising are good for us while others (such as my propensity to go from straight edge during the winter to borderline alcoholic in the summer with the introduction of Sangria to my favorite restaurant's menu) can be harmful or at the very least annoying to others. In no particular order here's my list of summer ritual's we all need to let go of:

Movie Previews Fake-Out

   I just watched Kick-Ass last night on DVD. It was the first time I had watched it and while I had heard of the comic beforehand, I had never read it. I was really going into the whole thing as green as can be. That was kind of a good thing because I was so pleasantly surprised by this movie, words don't really cut it. But I'll try. The premise of the film is a teenage everyman decides to don a wetsuit-like costume and fight crime in his town. This is aided by a jarring accident that leaves our protagonist with a new titanium skeleton, much like X-Men's Wolverine. Kick-Ass was released in theatres April 2010 and I remember distinctively seeing the commercials on t.v. and making a decision at that time that I did not need nor want to see this movie. Boy was I wrong...

This was the least violent scene in the movie.

Hump Day Hottie of the Week (5-25-11)

   This week's Hump Day Hottie Award honors goes to a lady who has been a sister,  a mother, a therapist and a spiritual advisor to so many stay at home moms, college students and other jobless people who are lucky enough to not have a thing to do at 4pm ( check your local listings, or don't since the show's over now) every weekday but watch a talk show. Yeah I said it. And I won't take it back. You know what I say to those people? I say, I am sooo jealous that they got to see her everyday. Love her or hate her, Oprah Winfrey has had a direct influence on the footprint of civilization in the late twentieth and on into the twenty-first century. It's easy to forget that her show used to look alot like the crazy Ricki Lake and Jenny Jones knock offs of the 90's and at times it even got as silly as Maury does today with his endless paternity tests. Somewhere along the way something snapped... I'd think she would like to call it one of her trademark "Aha- moments." The trashy topics were no more. I had taken the show for granted. Always thinking it would be around to tell me what movie star also has a winning personality (or a character flaw that would cause a grown man NOT named Rick James, to jump all over some one's couch.) or what latest health discovery could save our lives or even a way to heal our past heartache and move on with life renewed. Come to think of it, her show was pretty sappy.  I actually haven't seen an episode in over two years. I decided to watch the replay of her two- day taping of the second and third to last episodes to see what I had been missing. Not much it turns out:

You get a Maybach and YOU get a Maybach, the whole stadium gets a Maybach!!!

 

Clash of the Commercials- USA vs. the World

  

Source: AMC

Those execs over at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce ad agency had it easy. Yes they were dealing with an ever-changing world and the hustle and bustle of it all and blah blah blah... times are tough now. Probably tougher. Number one reason why an ad exec today, with all the technological advances we have at our finger tips and market research, has it rougher out there in the world of advertising is because today's consumer has the attention span of a two-year old child tweaking from a night of Red Bull, Vodka and cocaine cocktails. It's not completely our fault, either. We are constantly inundated with pretty, shiny images, telling us we need the newest, latest thing. Advertising plays a pretty important part in our everyday lives whether we choose to acknowledge that or not. It helps to socialize us or maybe better put, it helps to homogenize us. I'm sure way back when we were hunters and gatherers we coveted what our Cavemen neighbors had in their cave and rushed out to, well, gather it. That's why our religions tell us not to covet our neighbors yada yada... I'm a little fuzzy on that part of the bible, I kind of skipped ahead. Advertising helps us answer those tough questions in life such as; does every kiss really begin with 'K' and what did we ever do at snack time before double-stuffed Oreos? I am making light of it but advertising does have its say on most of the really important decisions we make in life. Consumerism is based on the simplest concepts of envy. It can be dangerous. It is responsible for families living beyond their means and all the consequences that go along with not being fiscally responsible and modest with worldly possessions. But today's post isn't going to examine any of this. It kind of goes against our whole name and tongue in cheek concept here... instead let's talk about some commercials!


   Last night CBS aired Clash of the Commercials- USA Vs. The World. I'm thinking this was filler-programming and an attempt to not compete with ABC's DWTS and American Idol over at Fox. I'm used to this kind of programming being thrown onto the air in the summer, usually on TBS or TNT. I'm also used to clicking 'up-channel' on the remote control and kindly watching something else. Last night I watched because my favorite German Fräulein, Heidi Klum was co-hosting and because I thought it would make a good blog topic. As would be assumed, most of the commercials from the U.S. I had already seen before so their surprise factor had worn off. Let me just say that most of the commercials that run in the states are very unimaginative. They play on the basic 2.5 kids and a dog perfect family fantasy we also like to permeate throughout our situational comedies. I would call them boring but they are interesting enough to incite a (negative) reaction out of me so they must be doing something right. As the show counted down the top commercials from abroad against the boring commercials from the states, I started to get really agitated. The top commercial for the United States was an ad for Volkswagen titled "The Force" which was featured during the 2011 Super Bowl in February. It stars a little boy in a Darth Vader costume playing imagination around the house. Or something like that. I've been tuning the commercial out since I first saw it, mostly because it's so darn boring and cliche. Is this what constitutes comedy here? Here's the commercial. Find out for yourselves:

Excuuse me while I kiss this guy...

  

   Last September I did a bunch of commuting from one part of the city of Philadelphia to the farthest end in the other direction. I put some miles on my car and I spent alot of time in traffic trying to entertain myself while I sat there with a grumbling belly. Thank goodness for loose french fires found in between the seats car stereos! I turned on the radio and was immediately taken aback by the Quiet Storm that is Jason Derulo and his not so subtle of a diddy; Ridin' Solo. Derulo had caught my attention months before as the guy in the song where the female vocals go "What did she saaaaaaay?" I hadn't gone out and purchased the music. I also didn't spend my vacation touring the 'Jersey Shore' house. Alot of dumb stuff misses my paycheck. I kind of plan it that way. But through the use of radio, Derulo found a way to my eardrums and boy did he have alot to say about his new-found freedom won in the land of single-hood. Jason says he's so sorry to the girl that it didn't work out and I'd like to believe him but then he goes on to take three minutes of my time re-telling their relationship and how much she sucks as a person.  Jason wants us to know that he's way better off now that he isn't attached to the petulant sea harpy that was his ex girlfriend. No, now that Jason is 'riding solo' he is able to accomplish so much more. Like finally going back to school and getting his bartenders license or (as the song exclaims) getting his ish together. This is a celebratory song for all of us, in line with Born in the U.S.A. or Friday by Rebecka Black.

Though your version of ridin' solo may feel...well... different.

When a Movie is More Than a Movie

   Vanity in Peril has dedicated the week's posts to topics concerning movies. I thought it only proper that we finish out the week (and if Harold Camping is right, civilization) with a post that recognizes the power movies have to move us, to change our lives and the way we think about the world we live in. Everybody remembers where they were in life when they saw their first movie that completely changed the game. A movie that made it impossible to just shrug off once the last reel was played. For me this came pretty early in my life. It was the first time I watched E.T. as a child. It wasn't in the movie theatre but on a 27 inch Magnovox in our den. The movie made me feel magical. As if anything was possible and while we live in a stunningly expanding universe it was nice to have a movie say--- we have neighbors and they're friendly. I've always felt that to enjoy a movie, to really take it in, one must make it a full body experience. I don't mean that as gross as that just sounded but since I've got your attention...

Advertising Re-Packaging Award

  

Only approximately 15% of the movies produced each year are any good. Some are bad. I mean really bad. Some have aspirations of being a good movie but somehow between the editing floor and market research focus groups morph into horrible movies. Most movies float in the middle zone for me. They usually start out pretty good and then flail for the remaining 50 minutes. Or they lead you to believe they are going to be alot funnier than what they turn out to be. (I'm looking at you, McGruber.) I'm a movie snob, I'll admit. I find that most of the movies that hit today's box office don't cut the mustard with me and my trusted circle of like-minded goons and goonettes. I think my personal movie library could be offered as some sort of how to film class at most community and state colleges. At the very least as an introductory course. I'm that kind of movie snob. But it doesn't mean that your usual bad movie doesn't get past me. They totally do. I watch more bad movies then I do good ones in a year. Waaay more. And I do so willingly. Here's my post on why everyone should appreciate a good bad movie every once in a while. I love movies and it is that love of movies that compels me to give most movies a chance. I recently watched Jennifer's Body on the Starz channel. I had been told by a friend that this was a horrible movie. A coworker of mine wasn't quite as rough on the film but did let me know that they thought the movie should have been alot funnier then it was. I had even researched the movie beforehand and seeing that it only had a 42% rating on rottentomato.com I decided the movie probably sucked.  And still I watched the movie. The whole movie, no channel surfing. The reviews were correct, the movie did suck harder than a Dison factory.

Post-Ironic Night at the Movies



Really, dude?



Master of Disguise is the worst movie ever committed to celluloid. I’m sorry to have to say that but it is the truth. I appreciate the time the crew put into filming the movie, the craft service people, the key grips and best boys. But I will NOT throw any appreciative nods to the writers. This movie is not a movie. This “movie” is a weird Vicodin and Cheesy Gordito Supreme-induced nightmare Dana Carvey had one night. I expect better from the man who brought us Paul McCartney "choppin broccoli". This movie came out in 2002. I saw it in the movie theatre with my boyfriend at the time and another couple. It wasn’t my choice to go and see this movie. I was outvoted. I remember sitting there in the theatre squirming in my seat. The jokes and absurdity of the plot were making me very uncomfortable. Note to writers: Your script shouldn’t make your audience uncomfortable. I once saw a lady trip down a flight of stairs in a crowded mall and had the same reaction. I sat there slouched down in my seat and felt the tiny hairs on the back of my neck begin to stand on end. There were so many questions, I had for this movie… such as; where is your plot? and why is Dana Carvey acting like that? and of course, why were you made? But the biggest question of them all that I had for myself was why am I sitting through this extremely annoying movie? So, I high-tailed it out of there. I think I abandoned an almost full box of Whoppers there and my lip balm. O well.

On the plus side, my loss was another person's gain.

   I recently watched this movie on cable television all the way through and on second inspection; it still freaking sucks. But not that bad. I can say that because I discovered a cool new way to watch movies. Post-ironically. This hobby of mine all started when I purchased some bootleg DVD’s from some chica at work. At five dollars a pop I wasn’t really breaking the bank in comparison to going to the movies and at that price it was excusable if the titles I selected were pretty much hit or miss. Some of the best movies I’ve seen lately have been in my home, watching an un-followable plotline in a movie that probably never should have been made in the first place. It’s so hilarious to watch a movie that went straight to DVD and for good reason or a movie that was actually released but made less money in the box office than a juggalo juggling coconuts. I watch these movies and suddenly my life’s problems can sit on the back-burner while I critique the deficiencies in a writer or director’s performance at a job that I would love to have. My recommendations when watching these movies? Glad you asked…

Do You Know Where You're Going 2?



Suit up folks, Lillypad's preggo!





 I almost missed CBS's How I Met Your Mother tonight because I became hypnotized by all the pretty glitter and salsa music that is ABC's Dancing With the (Sorta) Stars. I don't own a Tivo. If I did own one I'd hope that Tivo would step in and help me to prevent such a disaster. No sir, not on Tivo's watch! It's pretty amazing that technology can help us entertain ourselves more efficiently. Back in the day your parents would have had to purchase a copy of T.V. Guide to schedule out your television consumption. You remember T.V. Guide don't you? The tiny half newspaper- half magazine that listed the network's weekly programming. I don't know anyone who uses them anymore what with the advent of on-screen guides and DVR. That's sad for them, but good news for us. As technology leap frogs through space, producing faster and more convenient forms of just about everything for the general public it seems like pretty soon we won't even need to house information on a physical level. No more bulky entertainment centers made out of Lucite and particle board. No more towering DVD and C.D. trays just begging for the family dog to knock them over.

   Just the other day I took all of the actual Compact Discs that I own and ripped them to my laptop... then I backed up those files in case of emergency. Today I can take my music with me on the go either on my phone or on an ipod. Actually, with the impressive file space of most Smartphones nowadays, I don't even need my ipod anymore. In 2001 I was still lugging around a portable discman and a mini-backpack of music as I made my train commute to work every day, ten years later I can consider music portability an after-thought. If ten years can offer that much in convenience, what will another allow? Surprisingly most of my music library that was ripped consisted of albums that were released no later than 2005. Anything released after that point was obtained through digital sharing, either by way of Itunes purchases or a more Captain Jack Sparrow approach to file sharing. Is it too much of a stretch to say that in ten years we'll be uploading files into our mind?

This really happened.

Hump Day Hottie of the Week (05-11-11)

   This past weekend I had the good fortune of being both under the weather and completely broke. Fearing for my good health and busy investigating the ever increasing hole in my wallet, I decided to stay in on a Saturday night. It was a wise decision. For one thing it allowed me to witness the funny that is Andy Sanberg, making Michael Bolton relevant again. My pleasant surprise for the night was getting to watch  the HBO Special: Lady Gaga- Born this Way concert.

    I don't own any of her music in the sense that I actually went out and purchased a c.d. or downloaded a song from Itunes. But I've heard her stuff. Me likey it just fine. Some of it is pretty great, Paparazzi and Alejandro being two of my favorites. For the most part I think I just assumed she was some cheap Madonna knock off out for shock value. A Marilyn Manson to Katie Perry's Nine Inch Nails. I had no intentions of watching Ms. Gaga in concert that night but lo and behold, there I was. A lot of what I saw was what I expected. Lady Gaga has a built in gay fan base that almost rivals my own. There was glitter everywhere and lots of sculpted dancers to fawn over.

I suspect a Lady Gaga concert is similar to "New York's hottest club"

The Zombie Movie Watcher's Survival Guide

Today I watched my last zombie movie.  There is no reason to watch another one. Not right now anyway.  Not while the current state of horror films continues to lash out against the consumer by treating us to the same well tread plot paths and warmed over premises. It seems that everything to do has already been done in the land of zombiedom. We’ve had slow zombies, fast zombies, genetically mutated zombies, just plain ol’ dead zombies and zombies that sing show tunes. The genre as a whole has been kind of bland with the hiss hiss hiss hiss chuh chuh chuh chuh in the new millennium, continuing to push remakes on the public that can’t hold a candle to the original. That's such a pessimistic outlook, I know. The alternate reality is that zombies are also in the mainstream and are featured in theatres starring A-list celebrities, populating prime-time television slots and conventions. Even our comic book characters are being zombified. I admitedly hold these type of movies to a higher standard than other horror. The zombie sub-genre has been somewhat of a hidden guilty pleasure of mine for years, continuing to at once terrify me and entertain me like no other theme.  It plays on all of the right fears in human kind; the fear of human decay, the tell- tell sign of our own mortality and finite time on Earth. The fear of being alone and the isolation that comes with being a lone survivor to a mad mad world of “others”.  Zombie movies have long tackled social inequality of both the black community and the lower class. They have analyzed the zombification of the Western culture and consumerism.  But what they haven’t done in a very long time is: something new.  The past few years has seen a list of zombie movies green lit that spoof the genre. Shaun of the Dead, in recent years, executed this very well while still paying their respect.  28 Days Later is another movie that comes to mind that was able to breathe new life (pun intended) into zombies. But for every Shaun of the Dead or 28 Days Later, there was a lesser movie to discredit their hard work.  When the studio saw how well these films did, they felt no guilt in churning out cheesy copycats and even a sequel to the latter that never quite “got” the genre. Disco’s dead and so is the zombie.

Though some dead guys should just stay dead.

But the question is where do we go from here? Can you ever come back from satire? When all that was once pure and sincere about the scare factor has been re-hashed in an ironic way, how can we authentically reinvent the genre?  In recent years the indie film companies have come to their place at the table, producing their own tongue in cheek zombie films. The closest mainstream equivalent of this being the movie Zombieland.  Romero’s Night of the Living Dead is probably the best indie zombie film ever so if the hipsters have been sent to resurrect the genre, I say welcome back Kotter!

(Bleep) my cat says...

Happy Mother's Day!

  I can't believe how quickly the year is passing by. It's Mother's day already! I haven't spoken to my mum in quite a long while. It's been approximately, twenty months since I saw her last. I don't know what that is in "cat years" but I feel like I am approaching my kitty quarter-life crises so I'd say that it's been like 'five to ten cat years' since I last saw me mum. I'm not really sure why it's been that long. I know there was the time that I was born a runt and she tried to eat me but that's water under the bridge by now. It has been too long since we've spoken. It's time to let bygones be bygones and for both of us to bury the hatchet. I should call her. I'm definitely going to call her... I'm doing it now... here I go.

{please let the machine get it}


"Hello mum, hey it's me Lucy. [pause] Your daughter Lucy. You had me in that litter from 2009 remember? [pause] No that was Tinkerbell, she's dead now. [pause] No that was Jackson, he's staying at a nice farm in the country, I hear. I was the one who was always being left out at feeding time. Remember that, mum? ahahahahahahahahah... I almost died... good times. Anyway... [pause] No mum, that was my older sister Mr. Bojangles. She died of feline AIDS 18 months ago. I didn't go to the funeral. Mostly because she's a cat and her owner just threw her in a garbage bag with an empty Pizza Hut box and a broken VCR.

Hump Day Hottie (5-4-2011)

This week's Hump Day Hottie Award goes out to a man that remained stoic and dignified on the subject when his adversary spread gossip about him. A man who trumped his opponent by making him eat his words and then by proceeding to roast him like a comedy vet. I'd say the POTUS was having the best...week...ever.

Please tell Jesse Jackson's people to stop calling me.

   All black women are required to have a crush on President Obama. It's one of our civic duties, like paying your taxes. Oprah loves him. I don't know much about Stedman but I know he's got nothing on Obama. Oprah Obama. She already had Gayle order her the monogrammed stationary set. Michele be damned.  I don't want to make it seem as if the only reason I voted for Obama and follow his politics is because he's hot. It's not.

 It's because he's black, duh.

The man knows how to wear a hat!

Battle of the Brands



Topher Grace is not doing well.






The other night while eating my dinner, I decided to turn on the television and catch up on what’s been going on with the Simpson family in syndication the past four years. Surprisingly, not much. While Homer and the rest of the family paused for a commercial break I was hypnotized by the image of the man staring back at me. The man in question was Isaiah Mustafa, otherwise known as the Old Spice guy. This was probably the 5th installment of a series of commercials that have been running for the men's body wash and other male products that I've seen over the months so his hypnotizing abilities should be wearing off by now. Except that they're not. He's just too hot. And suave... and debonair... and what were we talking about? O right, the ad. These ads are very popular for the brand and they have catapulted the acting career of Mustafa.

If you call spending the holidays with Kathi Griffin making it.

   The commercials are wildly affective and are a growing trend in advertising. A perfect example would be the Dos Equis ad campaign featuring the Most Interesting Man in the World. These ads feature a sexy silver fox bragging about all of his accomplishments. And the laundry list includes things like being so amazing that his mother has a tattoo that says "son". The commercials are very funny. They remind me of all the reasons I think the people who create smart ads like these are so cool. But as Hollywood is ever so prone to do in movies and television, knockoff ads have started to sprout up everywhere. First in the form of a slick white counterpart to Mustafa's Old Spice Guy in a commercial and print ad for Edge Shave gel. The commercial is so obviously a hacky knock off job that there's no way the company thought it's audience wouldn't notice. What's not so certain is whether the commercials producer's are being tongue in cheek and poking a little fun at the Old Spice guys or if they were being sincere in their campaign and offering their rival their best challenge.

I had Cybill Shepherd back in 1972. Back when that meant something.

   What's sad is that the copy-cat ads just keep flooding the market. Now they have some Draper-esque kind of guy shilling Dairy Queen. Really? They've even injected these Don Juan's into our fat food for fat people commercials. What the heck for?? In all honestly all of the ads are at least clever enough to have gotten and kept my attention. I mean, I'm talking about all of them right now so that must mean they are doing their job, right? What's also cool about them is that they are all (with varying levels of success) attempting to be a throw-back tip of the hat to the old school ads of earlier television advertising. Commercials have long used the Don Juan to sell us everything from cigarettes to pasta. I think these commercials are taking the same approach, albeit with a New Jack post-ironic twist to each ad.  They all come ready with the giggles. I just wonder at the end of it all, have we run out of ideas? Maybe this is just like a fashion craze. Like bell bottom jeans coming back in style every couple of years.

What are your thoughts, clan? Do these ads make you laugh or are they just another annoying commercial? Have all the worlds best ideas already been thought of?  

The times, they are a changing.

The past 24 hours have been pretty iconic for Americans today. Depending upon when you are reading this you’ve either spent the day trying to come to terms with your emotions about the announcement of Osama Bin Laden’s death or you’ve come to this post from the future, a future that has witnessed whatever ramification yesterday’s news may have.  I came to learn of the death via my homepage search engine to verify a text that I had just received about it. At the first time that I checked, the news was not printed as a fact but a rumor. Then it was confirmed and I could watch the President live from my laptop address the country on his death.  I immediately took this news to be good news. First, because our country as a whole (not bleeding liberals this, or tea-baggers that) suffered tremendously on the orchestration of this man’s twisted Grand Theft Auto religious fantasy. Secondly, because I selfishly knew this would garner much praise for our current president and temporarily quiet his detractors. Even though I don’t agree with everything that he does  [am I supposed to really? I don’t share the exact political and religious POV with any of my friends or family members. Why should I expect to agree with his policy 100%? If he agreed with everything I did he’d be somebody else’s walking nightmare, and vice versa. Not to mention the fact that we only have a two (three) party system where you either vote for the boogie man in your closet to come out to get you or the school bully to beat you up and take your lunch money. Basically, you vote for the less-shittier of options. ] I stand behind him proudly on this day. I am proud that he represents me as a country. He had a really good weekend and up-staged the royal wedding in the headlines.  As sir Charles says, “I may be wrong, but I doubt it.”