|And it begins.|
To paraphrase my favorite hip hop group this side of the pond, Das Racist, 2011 was the combination best of times and worst of times...
Annnnnnnnd this happened.
But 2011 wasn't all Basketball Wives (and now L.A. Wives, Baseball Hoes, Girls Behaving Badly and the O.G's Real Housewives of Anywhereville) mollywhoppin' each other. Here's a look back at the things that made 2011 worthy of Tebowing...
Goons got what was coming to them
Osama Bin Ladin, Ghadafi, Kim Jong Il, Donald Trump...? I don't really think we need to elaborate much on this one if only to say 2011 was not a good year to be a jerk.
T.V. went all Glee-club la di da di
Fox's hit teen show Glee notwithstanding, 2011 strikes me as the year every damn network had to have a show about people who can sing, dance or do some variation of the two. No better example of this would be the much ballyhooed Simon Cowell produced X-Factor (or American Idol with grown folks and kids, for those uninitiated) , a show I committed to watch religiously upon first viewing the commercials but somehow missed every damn episode of. But even if I missed Paula Abdul make one last attempt at coherency and J-Lo give singing critiques while dodging ironic lightening bolts, I could switch the channel over to NBC and watch other people singing about love and people who are fireworks on The Voice. Bigger Genie in an XS Bottle, Christina Aguilera is on that show with the guy with the teeth and the sequined Forever Lazy and the dude that sings about having moves like Jagger ( and a voice like he went to the Creative and Performing Arts School of D-riding Stevie Wonder's Falsetto.) All this I know from commercials of course. This is another show I've yet to watch an episode of. Then of course you've got the one with the Barbershop Quartets singing songs a capella. I doubt you watch that. Myself, I pay an extra Five bucks to my cable provider a month to have that show not come on my HDTV. If anything, I owe all of these shows a huge amount of thanks for affirming my love for smart scripted programming such as AMC's The Walking Dead and the sexy, creepy American Horror Story on FX. Speaking of Television that makes me smile...
Cornholio came back to MTV!!!
And just in time it appears. Hey, if MTV refuses to dedicate any real programming time to actual music, we'll take this as a fair trade-off. Mike Judges' Beavis and Butthead came back this year after a long hiatus and they haven't missed a beat. The best part of the cartoon has always been the Mystery Science Theatre-like commentary on contemporary music videos and this time the boys even poke fun at the vapid shows that populate the rest of the MTV scheduling grid. I especially enjoy their disinterest in Jersey Shore's Deena for no apparent reason other than her very presence.
This website helped secure a solid place in all of my 2012 nightmares
btw, Jimmy... I am gonna miss the cuss outa you, man. Really.
Barbara Walters gets really real with Pizza Guy
If you didn't hear about it you must be living under a rock but Herman Cain was having the best 2/3 of a year ever until people found out he has a thing for white women and a disdain for geography. No, he's not the newest member of the Young Money label, Cain was trying to run for elected office. And he would have gotten away with it too! If not for those meddling reporters with their questions on foreign policy and where Libya was on a world map. Ah yes, Libya... that illustrious tropical locale... err I mean... Ah yes, Libya... that thing they give you before your dessert but after the appetizer at Friendly's... err, I mean... Libya... that thing all the ladies have that makes the Pizza Guy go hungry hungry hippos... ok, maybe we should just let Cain explain to the American public who, what, when, where or how Libya is. On second thought, never mind. We know he doesn't know. And no amount of vamping was gonna make us think he had the answer on the tip of his tongue. But even though your unrealistic shot at becoming the next black president of the US of A is a thing of the past, Mr. Pizza Guy (who we'd swear on a stack of bibles and a first edition copy of the graphic novel The Watchmen smells like Zest soap and Stetson, baby) we can't help but wonder if you'd do us the honor of hosting your own talk show. If only so that we can witness more moments like this.
But the top reason 2011 rocked so much for me was my discovery of this phenomenon. Apparently, there's a large demographic of Lucille Roberts travelling, Tae-Bo VHS tape wielding, Macarena still- doing lady folks (and some men) out there that think it's cool to upload their extremely beginners versions of dance choreography for all the world to see. I like to sit home on a rainy day and waste 2- twelve hours watching video after video on YouTube. A strange thing starts to happen after a while, however. I start to feel my heart grow like the Grinch in Whoville and it becomes filled with good will toward my fellow man (I know, right?! Gross!) and suddenly it doesn't seem right to laugh at these unfortunate souls anymore. At least they have the courage to go out there and live their dreams (no matter how delusional) and at least they live their lives on their own terms with no concern about what others may think. We can learn a bunch from these people, with their Old Navy brand fitness apparel and Sketchers. if we can take just a spoonful of the courage these people have into 2012, well there's nothing we can't do.
Actually, lemme just laugh at one more.
Contrary to Gloria Estafan's belief, the rhythm doesn't get everybody.
Happy New Year!
--- Vanity in Peril