Fall marks a new weekly blog feature. Every Wednesday through the rest of the season we'll post questions from every one's favorite drinking game (no, not FUBAR); Would You Rather. This week's post asks the very important question of...
Would you rather have one tooth in your mouth or smell like a homeless person?
Now wait a tick, folks. before you answer, take a few minutes to contemplate the details of either option.
One tooth option
You may be saying to yourself 'Hey self, I think I could get by with one tooth for a while. After all, I have a winning personality." All that may very well be true but before you select, keep in mind that you would not be allowed to replace any of the other gum-spaces in your mouth with any kind of prosthetic dental implants. No dentures, no veneers, no nothing. Just the one tooth... anywhere you want it placed in your mouth. One tooth. You against the world. Could you handle that?
|Kinda like this except way worse... and no Heather Graham to|
make you feel better about essentially 'date raping' yourself.
Sounds pretty tough so we'll sweeten the pot for you. Physically speaking you are a ten in every other way. You can have a body to die for (whatever your ideal may be), stunning bone structure, intellect and a winning personality. Everything about you can be a ten with the exception of for the rest of your life you will be referred to in passing conversations as "That chick/dude with only one tooth." Can you get with that? or would you like to take a gander at option numero dos?
Smell like a homeless person option
If the nickname toothless wonder is not your cup of tea you could always pick option number two. You could elect to smell like a homeless person. Now before the hate emails start pouring in, let me just preface this by saying, there is nothing even remotely funny about the homeless epidemic in this country. Especially in this uncertain economic time where a few missed paychecks could be the difference between having a roof over your head and having to panhandle on the streets. I am not trying to make fun of the homeless or their situation. Buuuut.... we all know what that homeless smell smells like. The smell of dirt, sweat and the inability to get to a shower on a daily basis. It's a smell you can't even really fully describe but to say you know it when you smell it. Now picture that being your smell. Eau de toilette for reals! If having to eat all your food in puree form makes you want to run to this option just note the following; you will have to smell like this for the rest of your life. Now, it's not all bad. You don't have to actually be a homeless person. You just have to smell like one. Meaning you can go on with your regular (or extraordinary) life and take as many showers or baths that you like... you just can't ever not smell like a bum on the streets. Would you pick this option, knowing that your very presence could be enough to clear out full rooms of people?
So there you have it... what's it gonna be? Will you be a stunning 10 (or more like 9.5) with one hell of a tiny toothpaste budget or will you opt to put on the one-woman/man version of Bring in da Funk, Bring out the Febreeze? Happy Hump Day!
--- Vanity in Peril