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| It's probably cool to just celebrate with the one candle now. |
There are certain things that you do when you're younger that you can really only get away with when you're in your early twenties. Things like, binge drinking to the point of blacking out. It's funny when you're twenty-two and don't have the responsibility of kids and/or a full time gig to keep you home at night. Not so much when you're twenty seven, crouched down in the corner of your office with a wicked case of the whiskey shakes. Blacking out at thirty-five? Yeah dude... you're an alcoholic. Schedule that AA meeting up with your secretary like real quick. This is not a drill. Just take a look at this week's episode of
Workaholics for further proof that some things are better left in the past. But taking a harsh look at one's Jesus juice consumption is only one of the things someone who's been staring at the wrong side of a quarter-life crisis needs to do before they can truly move forward into adulthood and start teaching the younger generation life lessons other than 'how to do the dougie'. In no particular order (because all of them are of equal importance) here's the VIP list of three things to cut out of your life before you go into early retirement:
- Stop deflecting compliments with self-deprecating humor!
One night last month while out for drinks with a group of old friends a group of girls came up to my group and we all struck up a conversation about the DJ's choice of music. One of the girls in the group complimented me on the dress I was wearing and asked me where I had purchased it. Instead of just accepting the compliment and saying 'thank you', I decided to downplay any attention I was receiving and did what most women do in this moment... I pretended as if the dress was nothing special, I waved off the compliment and made a stupid joke about me probably spilling wine on it later that evening. WHY DO WE DO THIS???? It doesn't make us look more gracious or humble... in fact it serves the purpose of making us look unsure and rude. If a person goes to the trouble to stop what they are doing to uplift us, who the hell are we to stomp all over it? I still do this from time to time and I can't act like it isn't a struggle to nip this self-defeating habit in the bud. I am naturally a very self-deprecating person but I can say I try really hard nowadays to accept the moment for what it is, show my gratitude for being recognized and moving on.
- Stop pretending to be ignorant just to make the dummy you're speaking with feel adequate.
This happens all the time. You're having a conversation with someone. You assume that you are all on the same page. You assume they know just as much as you on a subject... otherwise, why would they be speaking about it so confidently... and then suddenly... BAM... they say something so idiotic that reveals them to be the antithesis of the brain trust you originally took them for. What's your reaction? Well, if you're like most people, it would be to immediately down-shift into a level of remedial intelligence as to not make them appear too dumb. If they are really slow to the catch they may not even notice that you are doing so. So then why are we 'doing so?' This is an odd one here and I have had alot of difficulty in my own life in mastering this without coming across as some kind of arse. When you realize that your conversational opponent came equipped for a food fight with a handful of grapes most of us (and I am really pointing the finger at my fellow all-nurturing fairer sex out there) will attempt to not make the other person look bad by downplaying our own intelligence. I guess we also do it so that we do not come off as a know it all but is it really that terrible of a thing for others to see how learned we are on a topic? Especially if it is something that is important to us.
- Stop blaming your childhood (or lack thereof) for your shortcomings as an adult.
So your mom used to make you sleep under the Christmas tree every year and refused to let you open any of your presents until Boxing Day? And your dad's favorite way of showing he loved you was to scream obscenities in your face at three in the morning when he came home staggering drunk smelling of cheap Bourbon? Tough tacos, kiddie-bears! Yes our parents are messed up. Yes they probably messed us up. Guess what? They are still human. As you get to the age range where you start to build your own family you should realize that you don't have it all figured out either. You make mistakes everyday. I make a mistake multiple times in an hour and I am four years older than my mother was when she had me. So that tells us one thing. It's not what's in our past anymore that will determine our future. All we have is the now and spending our present rehashing old ghosts and family skeletons gets us nowhere fast. Stop it now and move on.
So that's all I've got for now. Did I leave anything out? What are some other behavioral patterns that we need to let die in our youth? The floor is yours.
--- Vanity in Peril
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