There is a little known fact I want to share with you, something I may get in trouble for divulging but my heart is heavy with the guilt of knowledge. 98% of the female population is comprised of those suffering with, recovering from or being newly diagnosed with the emotional, mental and (yes) physical ailment known as Being a Bitch. If you just so happen to be reading this right now in company with your mother and daughter, chances are that at least one of you is currently battling with this crippling affliction. If neither of them are, well kiddo, it is highly likely that you are in fact the bitch. Sorry to break it to you like that, I know that was a little heartless. In 2010 Being a Bitch accounted for 74% of the domestic homicides in North America, 40% of all automobile collisions and 100% of the arguments on VH1's Basketball Wives. In fact, this ailment is so widespread, males are now beginning to be diagnosed with Bitch. In record numbers, even. And of course because of this fact, scientists are already making great headway in isolating the Bitch gene for inoculation. Patents are already pending for a vaccination of the disease in its viral form. By the year 2018, scientists are predicting that one in two people (and the entire population of France) will have been exposed to a variant strain of the Bitch virus. By 2025, "Catching Bitch" will be as prevalent as the common cold.
|Yeah, Peterson's just gonna have to do the presentation. I caught a crazy case |
of bitch pudding over the weekend.
It's not easy being a bitch. Actually let me retract that. it's pretty freaking easy. Completely breathtakingly easy. Being a bitch is just about the most easy breezy way to be in the world when it comes right down to it. And I have to admit, being a bitch has been my default setting some days. I don't walk into it intentionally however. I go into each day with what I believe to be an optimistic open heart and a desire to treat each person with the dignity and respect that I would hope someone would give me in return.
|Yeah, Psychic Hot- line? I figured it all out on my own, thanks. We're good.|
--- Vanity in Peril