These are the things that the Mayans were trying to warn us about... the end of mankind as we know it. With 2012 right around the corner and conspiracy theorists going bonkers over everything from Solar Storm Warnings that are set to hit Earth this year to the ever-present popularity of Rick Ross surely signaling the return of a Tupacolypse. Here we mark the signs of disastrous things to come. Still not convinced? We don't blame you. But if the end of the world is not near then just how do you explain things like...
Now, if you didn't watch the above trailer... Adam Sandler just wrapped production on Jack and Jill, a movie where he plays two parts and does drag a la Norbit. Or should we call this Madea Goes to Temple? I would be a liar if I said I actually thought more of Adam Sandler but after making 2009's Funny People I thought Sandler at least "got it." I guess not. This movie looks like one of the spoof movies his character in Funny People was ashamed to have made. Worse, even! Now, the VIP team loves us some goofy slapstick Happy Madison Productions just as much as the next man (we can quote full scenes from The Waterboy) but this movie... I just can't. What the hell was everyone involved with this movie thinking? Well, I know what fellow SNL alum Tim Meadows was thinking and it seems to involve keeping food in his stomach and making next month's rent on his studio apartment. The rest of these people... long dramatic shoulder shrug. Did you catch Katie Holmes in the trailer as the long suffering wife? I guess Mrs. Cruise is satisfied with Suri being the best thing to ever come from her acting career. Wait; was that the guy from the equally horrific Bucky Larson-Born to Be a Star? More like born to be thanking your agent as you accept your Razzie award. Nick Swardson, we're gonna need you to hurry up and get back to your day job: collecting checks every time TBS runs Grandma's Boy. Then there's Al Pacino... yes... that Al Pacino!!! Granted, he hasn't given us a solid performance since Heat but this is the guy that played Michael Corleone for crying out loud! What was he thinking?
But the man truly to blame here is Sandler. Every time he makes us think he knows anything about good comedy or well-written exposition he gives us the old Mayweather Okie Doke and drops us every time. For every 50 First Dates (which was charming, funny and the only cinematic vehicle ever to make me not want to throw Rob Schneider from the tallest building in the city) he makes a Grown Ups. Punch Drunk Love? Sure, but we have to sit through Don't Mess With the Zohan as well. If life is like a box of chocolates (as Gump's mom so eloquently stated) then Sandler's movies are like the Whitman sampler box; sure some of them are going to be filled with yummy truffle... but others will be filled with motor oil and baby farts. I'd hate to judge a book simply for its cover but from all appearances in the trailer, this movie seems to be one giant baby fart. I'll go as far as to say that there is no way this movie is anything more than pure garbage. Nothing about this movie screams original, clever or humorous. In fact, I fully anticipate the rolling credits of this movie bringing on the tribulations discussed in the back of the bible. All bloody oceans and locust. Lots and lots of locust.
Whatdya think? Does this movie look as bad as we think it does or could it be a secret guilty pleasure?
--- Vanity in Peril