Vanity in Peril!: So You Think You Can ... Anything.

Could you be a candidate for the next great reality show?

                                Well he's a steel time disciple
                                He's a legend of his kind/
                                He's running like a cyclone
                                Across the wild mid western sky/
                                Oh oh oh he's a working class man

--- Jimmy Barnes, Working Class Man

   Barnes failed to release the extended version of this track, where he discusses the plight of said working class man as he tries to negotiate his contract with Tru-TV. For better or worse (probably worse) reality television is a part of our lives. There seems to be a reality show for every occupation, quirk, social disorder and celebrity junkie. It's hard to escape its presence and influence on our world. New shows crop up each week that cause us to hyper-extend our sense of belief that any of these people are even worthy of having a show. It's almost as if the traditional audition process has been flipped 180, and what characteristics would usually classify a person as unfit to socialize with other human beings are somehow met with applauds in the reality world. We should all be able to understand, I mean, who hasn't ran from the cops with no shirt on (Cops), dated twelve dudes at once, rejecting them one by one via Rosa berberifolia disposals (The Bachelorette) or dressed in drag and walked the runway while Margaret Cho screams insults at you dressed up like the pink Power Ranger. I sure have! That was right around the time I had the septuplets.

Those camera crews would NOT leave me alone when I tried to adopt a few of them
in the Petco parking lot, either.

If you don't watch reality television, you've been missing alot. The bar continues to be lowered in the realm of reality. No longer are we just following the lives of the rich and snobby "real" people such as the vapid teens on Laguna Beach. Now we are relegated to watching what happens when the equally vapid but facially-challenged regular Joes and Joanna's punch a time card and make an honest living. Some of the newest crop of programming includes a show where we follow around three fat cholos as they spend the day repossessing cars and trying to contain what looks to be Jabba the Hut's Puerto Rican half-sister. There's a show where we follow around meter maids, a show where a so-called "cat whisperer" helps troubled couples save their relationships by curtailing (pun intended) the bad kitty behavior of their house pets, heck there is even a show where cameras take a look at the seedy under belly of the pawn shop industry. You may be asking yourself, when did we all get so trashy?

Hint: Right around the time we started giving shows to every citizen of New Jersey.

So where do we go from here? No where but up I hope. But first, unfortunately, we predict things are going to get alot worse. In no such order, here is our VIP list of reality shows we expect to see in the coming months:

Cameras follow around a team of Psychic detectives as they solve the crime of who farted in the size 7 shoe section of the Lady Foot Locker.

Our gut tells us this guy is responsible.

A former guest from the Maury Povich show stars in her own reality dating show. Each episode she will go out on a date with a potential father of her newborn child, while producers eliminate contestants weekly based on the DNA results. Working Title: Crackrock of Love

Meanwhile, Connie spends her days trying to convince Maury that he's
too old to star in Home Alone on Ice.

Bartender's are timed on their ability to make a varied drink menu, maintain a clean set-up station and hit on drunk bridesmaids in America's newest hit reality show... The Weakest Drink.